Recently, my good friend and boy genius, Sam Heyer, recommended that I read a book by Alan Deutschman called “Change or Die” because I’ll be releasing a community around my upcoming “Fail Your Way” brand. I’m wanting to create a totally new experience for people trying to make money on the web and he felt it would be good mental positioning for me to read a book about how people really change (or really IMPROVE) their lives.
First, I definitely recommend that EVERYONE reads this book. Don’t just order it. Read it because It will have an immediate and profound affect on your thinking. Second, I’d like to share with you my thoughts about what “Change or Die” has taught me so far in the hopes that it will inspire you to at least read the book and perhaps inspire you to make big improvements that you’re wanting to make in your own life.
Right off the bat, you should know that the title of the book is purposefully misleading. As it turns out, our normal methods of trying to change each other don’t work. These normal methods are “Fear, Facts, and Force”.
It’s a widely known fact that 90% of all open-heart operation patients return to their same lifestyle within 3 years. While 67% of ex-convicts return to jail within in the same period of time as well…
“Change your eating drastically and exercise or YOU WILL DIE”
“Don’t break the law of you will go to Jail!”
These are two very good (or bad) examples of how Force, Facts, and Fear simply DON’T WORK. Here’s another one for ya:
“Make money online this month or you won’t be able to pay your bills.”
But that’s a problem for a different day…
Change or Die gives some incredible case studies that have turned these horrible results around (as well as other “Change or Die” scenarios, too.) Without me getting into any details on the case studies, the reason they worked are because they all contain the three components of changing human behavior that actually DO work: Relate, Repeat, Reframe.
First, if a person is to change, they must relate to a person or community. They must form a relationship that makes them feel good (or “the right relationship”). Secondly, they must repeat the new behaviors so they learn them. And then finally, one must REFRAME their belief systems. (For instance, most ex-cons think there’s no other way than a life of crime and poverty since it’s all they’ve ever known.)
So, as I’m reading the book and wanting to apply it to my new FailYourWay.com community… I can’t help but turn the mirror onto myself. I’m currently going through a weight-loss regimen. I’ve lost 36 pounds so far and have another 20 until my first goal. And, well, the book told me that 97% of the people who lose weight will gain it back within 5 years. Yes!
NINETY SEVEN EFFING PERCENT!
Been there. Done that. Have the postcards & stretch marks to prove it.
Secondly, I know many of you follow me because of my marketing and business teachings. But the truth of the matter is - I often don’t feel like I even *have* a business. Sure, I’ve got a few guys working for me on the payroll. But the ugly truth is, I make a lot of money - but I really just go from one product launch to the next and I’m freaking fed up with it. It’s been a roller coaster ride that I’ve been on for longer than I can remember.
So, whether it’s the roller coaster ride of my business or my weight-loss … what can I do to truly change for good. How can I, Harris Fellman, improve my life forever? The answer is:
Relate. Repeat. Reframe.
I’m already well on my way with regard to the weight loss. I have a great health coach that’s helping me get my eating habits in line. Her name is Lynette Patterson - you can find her on Twitter @LynettePatter. My next step is to locate a personal trainer or some group or groups that I *relate* to in order to get me exercising regularly.
(Yes, I’ve lost 36 pounds without really exercising all that much yet.)
For my business, I’m now on the hunt for a mentor or community to help ME get to the next level. I realize, actually, that in developing my own community designed to help people make money online, I’ll derive some benefit from that. But I’m looking for something to help me truly get to the next level with my business.
I’m looking seriously into a group called CEOSpace right now and there’s a couple others, too. I need to get my brain to flip the switch and think more like a business OWNER instead of someone who’s just self-employed. Honestly, I was introduced to CEOSpace as their former name 3 years ago (IBI Global), and after reading Change or Die I was thinking about it - and then OMG, someone from the company called me yesterday. One shouldn’t just brush things like this under the carpet when they happen, should they?
My good friend (and sometimes mentor), Tellman Knudson, has been telling me this for years. “Get a mentor and do exactly what he tells you.” I guess I’ve just never happened upon anyone (or group) that relates directly to me and what I want out of a business.
But just like weight-loss, it’s just a singular decision now. Once the decision is made, I’ll stop at nothing to achieve my goals. Honestly, the weight-loss has been incredibly easy - so easy that it’s STUPID to not just lose the weight.
Ha. As I write this, I realize that I’m actually afraid that the business changes are going to be very difficult to go through. But perhaps, just like the weight-loss, it will all be way easier than I think. Why not, right? Hmm, yes, I think I’ll go with that new belief. Improving my business and becoming more of a true business owner is going to be a lot easier than I ever imagined. Sweet!
Alright, that’s all I’ve got for now. Probably my longest blog post ever. When I told the twitterverse about reading a book about ‘change’, @CalebJennings wrote me back and recommended that I read “Virus of the Mind”. I quickly downloaded the Amazon app for my iPhone, ordered it, and a couple days later it arrived.
I’ll let you know what I think of that book soon as well.
I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on any big lifestyle changes you’ve had in your life and how you think “Relate, Repeat, Reframe” has played a role. I’d also like to know how many years ago that lifestyle change began. Just scroll back up and click on the “comments” link and talk at me.
To Your Ongoing Improvement,
Harris Fellman
PS Feel free to tweet this or tell your friends about it if you think they’ll benefit from the info as well.
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